Sue to Mark 22
I cried because of your eloquence, especially in describing how much Glenda meant to you. "The mystery of her femininity - the sense of enormous loss." I cried for your loss and for the precious union you shared. I cried because your statement "I know how to be natural with a woman" stirred up a painful longing in me.
I also cried because I don't think Roger and ever I achieved the relational depth that you and Glenda seemed to enjoy. You probably need to know that before we meet. It is complicated. It is an extremely sensitive thing to share this about the father of my children, the man I loved, who is now gone. But I think you should know this because it was as much of the truth as I know now. You said we learned "how to be one with another" - and we did. I loved Roger; he loved me. We respected and supported each other. We worked together, lived peacefully together and we were totally committed to each other. But for some difficult, deeply regrettable reason, we were unable to connect in the soul-mate way I hoped for. It was the tragedy of my life. When we were together (which wasn't much because he worked so much) I felt so much less than the best I could be for him. He probably thought I was intelligent, capable and articulate, but somehow I never received that IMPRESSION from him. The Sue I saw in his eyes was pragmatic, detached, occasionally clueless, humorless, selfish, na´ve, and thoughtless. I wouldn't necessarily enjoy being with me like that either.