Mark to Sue 21
"Unworthy of a man of my caliber"!!!! No . . . no . . . no. . . I should have said that first about you. I sense qualities in you. . . something. . . some beautiful intangible thing. This will sound vain, but I have the persistent sense it's been reserved for me alone. But please don't sell yourself short. We are both on the inexplicable and sometimes jarring journey to our best selves. I don't think God sees our faults as warts to be removed. I think He knows they are over-extensions of our strengths - the very qualities He built in us and wants, perhaps even needs, to use. I have those over-extensions, too. I'm moody and melancholy. I covet solitude. Both are poor qualities for a daddy of three to have, and they don't make for deep friendships. Maybe God wants to perform surgery on me, and you are the physician. Lay me upon the table first!!
This Saturday, frozen regions of both of us will start to thaw. There will be so much to tell. Your e-mails have given me a glimpse of your heart. In fact, I feel as though you have opened it to me -- and now you stand aside, waiting (with what emotions, I can only speculate) for me to enter. I am humbled and chastened at the same time. My world-experienced self knows we are human, fallible, even occasionally depraved. But still, I see a purity working in all this somehow and I want that purity to examine me. There is also in this experience a crystal-like delicacy that is frightening - but enticing at the same time. I'd like to know why you cried. I cried as I wrote about that moment over Glenda's grave. But what touched you and why did it hurt? Or were those tears sprung from some source other than pain? Thinking about this "THING" is a powerful distraction. But no matter how I try, my words don't equal my inner reality. I guess that's why we have e.e. cummings.
I want to get to know as much of you as I can on Saturday. I want to look into your eyes, touch your hair and listen to the wordless certainty of your heartbeat. . .
YES YES YES