Heartwork

Mark to Sue 20

May 12

Dear Sue:

        Well, it's 11:45 a.m. and I'm stuck. It's a pleasant nuisance to have someone so incessantly on my mind. Thoughts are darting with random lightening speed through my head - so much so that I walk into a room, or open a cabinet or closet door and stare inside trying to remember what it was I was about to do or get. I can't be productive until my house is in order and it has been subtly bumped into disarray.

        The dynamic tension I felt yesterday has to be so uncommon. The doors to sadness silently opened as I bent over Glenda's grave to place a new arrangement of silk flowers in the brass vase. It took some time to bend and shape the stems and all the while I remembered her softness, the look in her eyes, the feel of her legs, the mystery of her femininity - the sense of enormous loss.

         But at the same time I was seeing a new vista, one that had my mind racing to Dallas, days before my departure.

Even in the midst of my ambivalence toward God, I know and I've seen His blessing and hand of grace ever upon me. My children, my sustenance and my entire well-being bear the mark of His unmistakable touch. I want to fall face down in the dirt crying when I think of it all. And now I come to you . . . you and me.

 

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