Heartwork
Mark to Sue 14
Dear Sue: May 3
The hair is dry and brushed, so now I can share – but it seems insignificant compared to the hard drama your dad is dealing with right now. But I’ll go ahead with it and hope he’ll forgive me for wanting to occupy his daughter’s time for a while.
This unveiling process continues to be full of spooky coincidences. I, too, am the oldest child. I’m 45. My dad was not career military, but he is a retired Lt. Colonel in the Marine Corps. My upbringing was similar to yours in that my dad was a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” kind of parent. I think I chose architecture because it was acceptable to my dad; it was a substantial and business-like way of permitting me to draw and it has not been a regrettable choice. But if you’re keen on what I just said, you may read into it that I’m a people pleaser. I try to avoid confrontation, and to a fault, will often compromise my situation to avoid conflict, and please others. I’m better today, though. I’ve learned how to say NO and I do have an incredibly iron will. When I tap into it, I can make the necessary confrontations with finesse. The whole process is highly stressful for me, though.
I find it very interesting that you say you are not a detail-person, but you have an active inner-life. Usually thinkers do pay attention to some details. Perhaps you’re selectively interested in certain details. But I’m interested in EVERY detail. I’m an off-the-scale detail person, and an off-the-scale perfectionist. It sometimes drives me nuts, but I’ve learned to give myself a break, embrace failure (or should I say “falling short” of perfection), and keep going. I hope that doesn’t scare you. I’ve never expected perfection in others, I just demand it from myself. Sometimes, when I get sideswiped by an imperfect performance, I need help getting pulled out of the ditch.