Sue to Mark 11, part 3
So, here goes: In the process of sharing ourselves through e-mails, I think we have created ideal electronic selves in each other's heads. I have yearned and prayed for someone to share my mind with, my best self with, and in His mercy and love, the Lord provided you. And the interchange has been a total high, compelling and seductive. But the Sue you think you know is only a facet of the real me. You have no knowledge of my failings and idiosyncrasies. I would be afraid to meet, face to face, until I have been completely honest with you. Until I have shared with you, to the best of my ability, what I perceive are the flip-sides of my personality. I have engaged in our "cheap amusement" (self-analysis) for some time and one of the watchwords of my life is "self-examination." I have always tried to identify and face and deal with the truth about flaws in my character. I owe it to you and to myself to be real.
Once we have shared a fuller picture of ourselves, I think we can make a more realistic decision to meet. I do really want to meet you. I want to look in your eyes and see you smile . . . I want to hear the voice that has been praying for me . . . and I want to feel those arms of support and comfort around me. But, the problematic has to be known (at least to some degree) and then accepted on both sides or our real selves could jar too painfully with the ideal pictures in each other's heads, and jeopardize the sweetest of possibilities.
If this makes you uncomfortable, I understand. I pray about this situation every day and I feel so peaceful about it. The Lord has cast out a spirit of fear and in trying to obey His promptings, I can have all confidence that WHATEVER the outcome, His plan of mercy and love will have been realized.
Tell me honestly what you think and then, if it's a go, since this was my idea, I'll go first!