Mark to Sue 6, part 2
Today our pastor preached about Isaac's birth - his theme centered around families, mixed families, grandparents raising grandchildren and single -parent families. When he mentioned single parents, I felt conspicuous - nearly everyone around me knew me, and I envisioned myself popping into their minds as the nearest living example of singleness. I felt a strange embarrassment (sometimes at restaurants or public places I fear being mistaken for a divorced parent - "Oh, there's a poor divorced father having some quality time with his kids" - have you felt like that?) Hagar and Ishmael were the biblical example of the single parent condition - being banished by Abraham into the wilderness with only a loaf of bread. As the discussion focused on the adjustments she had to make, I thought of you. I really don't think your adjustments into single parenthood were any easier than mine, but it lifts my spirits that you think they were. Sometime following Roger's death you were certainly hit with thoughts about your future - and your children's future - thoughts no less sobering and frightening than mine. Through all the changes, have you ever felt animosity or ambivalence toward God? I'm sorry to say that I have. Oh, what love He must have for us that He would permit such pain, generating within me such animosity, only to hold me (us?) steadfastly and to draw us nearer to Him. He's busy writing a testimony about Himself on our hearts and it's indelibly placed there through experience. Book learning won't do.
I've seen the beauty that moves you so deeply. One night last week I was climbing the stairs to my studio, and after my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I noticed the silvery blue moon glow on the wood steps. I paused to take it in, that shimmering silver on all the new leaves! I was taken back to the freeze we had just after New Year's Day. I was awakened about 3 a.m., thinking we might be getting some rare snow and decided to check things out. I went outside and discovered the bright glow of ice on everything. It crunched under my feet and I could occasionally hear the lonely echoing crack of ice-laden tree limbs falling in the distance.