Sue to Mark 4
Saturday, April 12
Your paintings are so beautiful! When the first one appeared on my screen -- the apples in a basket - I started to cry. I have no idea why. I kept trying to analyze it: was I just hormonal? Or tired and emotional tonight anyway? Was I shocked or surprised that they were so good? Or could it be that I'm seeing something through the window of these paintings, something I might not even see if I met you? I don't know.
But I do know that your paintings remind me of the Wyeths' work, which I love. Windows. . . silence . . . sunlit, sea-salt air. I've always wanted to experience that part of Christina's World.
Your story of the family friends who lost their father, and the difficulty the mother had of carrying on the family culture in a balanced way without him, resonated with me. I thought: at some time in his or her life, everyone experiences this one-leggedness. A loss at any age, whether it is a parent, a child, a divorce, or a family feud, makes cripples out of us. So we hobble on, feeling partial and pathetic. I felt especially crippled as a parent, unequipped to do and be everything my girls needed. I grumbled to God long and hard about it. And He said, "I know you can't do it all. But I can. I'm the God of the Gaps. You do what you can and I'll take care of the rest." That was huge for me, a first step down the right road, even if it's on crutches. One day I will needlepoint a little pillow or something that says "Trust the God of the Gaps"!
Despite my desire to trust the God of the Gaps, I'm afraid I'm not in very good shape emotionally tonight. And it's your fault . . .