Mark to Sue 3, part 2
But I am also overwhelmed and have to struggle to find a moment, and the energy, to even imagine that purpose. In fact, the more I live, the more I am convinced I can know very little of God's plans (He is infinite and I am finit). Sounds cynical? No. I just think that my calling is to obey, and then leave the results, meaning, and purpose to Him.
Maybe my "ears" are stopped up or I'm hearing with the wrong ears, but things are different for me since Glenda's death. Christ is no less real, His death and resurrection are not less significant, but my way of looking at existence has dramatically shifted. Some of the spiritual "fluff" has fallen away. For many believers, Christianity is an "academic" experience (meaning we seldom really get tested). Then something happens and the course of life is irrevocably, instantly changed 180 degrees when we were already going 100 mph. I think accepting the resulting train wreck is probably the beginning of "abandonment" to God's will, but I didn't initiate it, and sadly, I probably would not have chosen it.
What if God stepped into your life two years ago and told you of His wonderful plan to use your lives to make a significant impact on the world. . . and that Roger's death would be part of it? Would you and Roger have agreed? I've asked myself that question many times as I tell myself this MUST have meaning and purpose. I must confess that I might have been like Jonah, and headed in another direction - I just don't know. For the most part, I'm glad God doesn't consult us about His plans. Once in a brief prayer I dared to ask Him "WHY??" Instantly the answer flashed in my mind: "Because you would do it."
So I guess I'm still working to get over some of God's choices for me. Maybe that's what I mean by "Christianity is an academic experience for most people." Real life with God, abandonment to His plan, surrender to His purpose, being thankful in discouragement, takes all the courage and faith He has given me.